My answer for everything this past week has been: “I think I have an identity crisis.”
New looks, bold moves, old – long discarded habits and a disrupting resistance towards the people and activities I used to enjoy – at least a little.
Elina was the one who affirmed it by saying “Yeah, hair always suffers first.” Inguna without a prelude asked: “What is going on in your life?” Martins put me in the same box with people who are “not a stable Latvia person”, even though I left just once.
“I am not labeling you, just getting used to it.”
But I don’t feel like anything is happening…I’m more like just existing between countries right now. The sadness of leaving Denmark is wearing off, but before I had the chance to settle down again, the ninth wave crashed into my living room and now the thing that concerns me most is whether I will be able to take my guitar with, when leaving to Italy in October… No, it’s not even negotiable, more like How will I take my guitar with?
Even though it sounds like an easy thing to do, know this – an EVS project was The Plan, and it took me 5 years to approach it… *during which I got to graduate university, worked in a PR agency, went to “study” in Denmark and waited for an answer that felt like forever. All of it feels like dust now….like I’m back on the Start line where I was at age 19.
So I am not a careless traveler, a spontaneous adventure seeker, nope – I am an organized planner, a person who looks calm on the outside but is dealing with a massive volcano eruption on the inside.
But the general tendency that I have been observing (with a little help from my friends) this past year is – either you get married, create children, pursuit a career or go abroad. You can tell me that there are ways to combine it, and I will not argue (because I hate arguing) and even agree at some level. And I have seen some genius people who have made their life mission to go against this bubbling flow, but I guess I’m not brave enough – not yet.
In other news I skyped with Icelandic Ida finally – first Skype call with one of the OH people in two months, even though we did make promises to each other. But life steps in and, well, “promises are like piecrust, made to be broken” (such a strange idiom, found it on the web a couple of minutes ago).
We talked about the bizarre tendency called ‘the international students’. Once you become one, there’s no turning back.
Let me just show you a brief example using nationalities, that my friends are representing: Ida(Icelandic) moving to Denmark, Mark (Hungarian) moving to Sweden, Magdalena(Polish) moving to Iceland, Majka(Skovakian) moving to Spain etc. … The people of the planet. And I am amused and flattered if someone counts me as one of them. But I am also proud to be Latvian. And I really do hope that girls got that vibe when they were visiting a couple of weeks ago.
Having them here – in my world – provided some kind of closure …saying goodbye to Denmark. Here’s a small photo report.