It is so easy to get tangled in your own words, actions and half-truths. Misleading statements, unfinished sentences and thoughts – those little details, that purposely have been left out of the conversation. And then you wake up one morning feeling sickened of it all and everything has become difficult without you even noticing.
At these moments Jasper’s idea that he presented this morning of living in a tower – or a tiny home – being detached form everything and everyone and yet having a closer bound to your family and friends seems so appealing. The part of living without strings made so much sense and collided with my lifelong dream of being detached form governmental, political, national, financial issues – owning others nothing and relying only on yourself. It might seem as a lonesome life, and quite unrealistic, I know, but can’t a girl dream?
For almost ten days my inner self has been trying to find a solid ground to stand on. First it examined all the senses, if they are still usable – rich smells in the form of spring and chocolate, highlighted colors that could bring tears in my eyes, ecstatic touch of creation and chilling water running over the skin. These days were filled with peace and chaos, deafening joy in the shape of fatigue and extreme sadness arisen from thin air. New friends were made, romances started and ended without a sequel. And then I saw a shore, a small coastline with a man waving his hand. And then He was next to me saying: You’re doing alright, but maybe let me try. The moment I let go, the ground appeared, I could feel a sudden relief – although the future is still unclear, not 100 per cent secure, there is a plan now. And a possibility to correct the path I am taking right now.