when the day is done

Sunday, 5th of July, 1:30 p.m.
A few moments ago I suddenly felt anxious because of the time that is passing by. There can be only one morning without plans before I get nervous – and it was yesterday when I let myself sleep in.

Nervous because the precious time is slipping away. 
That’s when I opened this blog to see that the last entry was made in December. And before that – in September. 
But one of the titles got my attention. It is called SISTER – a short entry about our visit to the convent in Kuldiga last year, meeting Dominican nuns. And the minute I read it, all the unease vanished. 
You can read it here –  https://myownsunlight.wordpress.com/2014/09/10/sister/

A verse from Philippians 4:6 came into my mind and I laugh a bit about how perfect the timing is.

6  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

There are not a lot of Bible verses I remember, but thanks to 2 years of camp Hope this one will be stuck in my mind for a while. And so often peace is just what we need to continue.

When Joe approached me on Thursday and asked If I wanted to blog, the little voice in my head screamed “RUN!” And this wasn’t the only thing that reminded me that I’m not an extravert – as much as I sometimes try to be. I did not volunteer though. Now, after thinking it through, I kind of wanted to put my thoughts on a web page since I’m still doing it on paper.

Last year being a part of the music team but not doing anything else left a feeling that it’s somehow unfair to others. Although I’m a person who gets tired very easily and has a hard time bonding with children (we just don’t understand each other sometimes), I made a small promise to myself – to help with whatever is needed. But you know how these promises get crushed by bigger ones like: “You won’t get another vacation after this – try to rest a bit.”

Sunday, 5th of July, 11.20 p.m.

But I did try to help (well, not at the first day, but afterwards) with the things I feel most blessed with – music. Valters was in charge of that. On Day 3 at around 4 a.m. we finished the 3rd campers song.  Tree songs in one night. And I have to say – some of the lyrics the youngsters had written were really good. All the next days were about teaching, recording and filming.. and I really hope the videos will appear on the internet at some point, because these kids did a really good job and the world should see & hear that. I still have these songs stuck in my mind.
At Water Day I somehow got to “lead” balloon volleyball. And for future game leaders I should say: No rules are the best rules.

When days are filled with activities the week passes extremely fast and you just can’t wrap your mind around the fact that it’s already Day 5 and the campers are leaving, and you are leaving, and everything is ending, and it just happens while you stand there – speechless and sad, tired but willing to sleep for a day and continue.

“We just need another day. One day, that’s all. Just one. Ugh.. ” – and it’s gone. Only memories remain and the hope that you’ll get invited next year.

I’m not sure what was it this year – the fact that I enjoyed playing with these guys who accepted my love for weird music instruments, the Word of God that Karlis shared and that hit me like I’ve heard it for the first time… or the small conversation with one of the kids who expressed all his love and sadness in just one answer. I asked how he likes the camp so far, and he just said: “It’s ending soon.” And then we sat there, thinking about the sadness of it all and finally deciding that we should enjoy it while it lasts. That was Day 3 – half way through.

But if we’re being honest this year Camp Hope changed not only lives of the children (that I really hope for and pray about), but also it somehow changed me. Changed the way I look at my life and the way I live the gospel. Because the world drags us back again if we’re not willing to let God take over… if we’re somehow still holding the wheel with our little pinkies. I sometimes still hold on till the point where He says: “Either you let go or we’ll crash – your choice.”


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